Jasmin Holley: Faith

Jasmin Holley: Faith

As everything tumbles about me
As everything falls apart
I sit and watch and wait
Not knowing, wondering

When will it stop
Where will it end
What is the lesson
Can’t I learn another way?

For the first time
I learned what stress is
My body racked with pain
My mind cluttered

Things seeming so unreal
Thinking I can take no more

Flooding, fires, people’s anger
theft, insects, deceptions
Not knowing where to step,
what to say, what to do.
What happens next?

Inside of me there is
a part, a place, that is calm
that says, “it’s not your fault”

You have no control
Just do what you can

Have Faith it will change
and all will be well

Time moves on
and with it peace
with it understanding
and an ending

Wait and have Faith
All is for the best
Each has its’ season.

Turmoil is but transformation
There is much to learn
Much to change

The other part of me
Angry, solitary, questioning,
“What the hell is going on?

Thinking it will never change
This craziness, this …..
My thoughts run wild
Creating more of the same

Again I hear
“It’s not your fault”

At two, at three, at four
The energy was the same
I was but a small child

The chaos, the anger, the deception
Placed upon my shoulder
Placed in my body, my mind

Take the responsibility
I did, I still do
But no more!
No more, for that
I do not control

Yes, this is the lesson, the learning.
Letting go of the teaching
of so long ago.

My father’s, my mother’s
My ancestor’s, it was theirs
Not mine, but I took it on
To keep them safe

They asked me to
They told me to
I knew no better
But now I do

I ask now
transform your fears
transform your terror
transform the teachings

They are not mine
They are not real
It is time to be
It is time to heal

I no longer need
To be this way
To keep you safe
From yourselves

This learning so deep
This learning now
The understanding – WOW

Thank-you, thank-you
Thank-you
I now know that it will change

The connection old
The learning new

But, I still ask:
Is there not another way,
without feeling helpless,
lost and strange?

To stop the re-creation
of what was
over and over again.

A way of Faith
That is soft and kind
Fun and joyous
Fast and sure

I need this now
and further on.
The need for pain
was theirs not mine.

And so it will be
The rest of my life
The learning easy and true
with joy and love

I have Faith
I have You

By Jasmin Holley 8-28-07